Funny Cheltenham Joke

Riding a firm favourite at the annual Cheltenham Festival, the horse is well ahead of the rest of the field. Suddenly, out of nowhere he's hit on the back of the head by a turkey, then a string of sausages. Rattled and confused, he somehow manages to keep control of his horse and stays ahead of the pack. Moments later however, he's struck again, this time by several mince pies and a box of Christmas crackers. He struggles to keep the lead, but somehow still manages to stay ahead of the field. With the win in his sights though, he’s then struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and, to add insult to injury, a Christmas pudding. As result, he finishes third. Angered, he immediately goes to the stewards to complain that he has been seriously hampered. 

and a couple of bonus funnies:

 

I found a way to make a horse stand perfectly still. Place a bet on him.

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A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?”

The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?”

The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

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What's the difference between praying in church and at the track?
At the track you really mean it!

Cheltenham Festival - Supreme Novices’ Hurdle

The Supreme Novices’ Hurdle is the very first race run at every Cheltenham event. It started out as a curtain raiser event, but the novices have proven to be more and more skilled over the years, eventually making it one of the festival’s signature races.

The grade one competition race covers 3298 metres (2 mi furlong) over which racing horses go over eight challenging hurdles. Participating horses have to be at least four years old.

The race has had its current name since 1978 when it was renamed from Lloyds Bank Champion Novices Hurdle. It’s very first title was the Gloucestershire Hurdle, adopted when it was first introduced in 1946.

Thousands of onlookers gather every year to witness this first event of a hugely popular horserace.
It has become synonymous with the Cheltenham Roar,’ a wild cheer from fans every time the race kicks off. The success of the festival can often be gauged from the enthusiasm of the crowd when they make this signature cheer.

The Old Course has always been the surface for this hurdle race that is among amateur National Hunt premier events. The course has taken a galloping every year since 1946, with the exception of 1947 when the event was abandoned due to extreme snowing.

Trainer Willie Mullins has dominated the race in the last two decades, with his horses taking five wins over that period to make him the leading trainer since 1972. His case has been helped by jockey Ruby Walsh who swept three consecutive wins between 2013 and 2015. Walsh himself is the leading jockey, having recorded his own five wins between 2006 and 2015.

The race appears to mostly favour five, six and seven-year-old horses. No four-year-old horse has taken the first position since the turn of the 21st century, while 2002 winner Like-A-Butterfly (8 years) was the only winner older than seven years since 1966.

Cleeve Hurdle

The Cleeve Hurdle is a Grade 2 hurdle race run over 2 miles, 7 furlongs and 213 yards on the New Course at Cheltenham in January. Open to horses aged five years and upwards, the race is scheduled for Festival Trials Day, some six weeks or so before the Cheltenham Festival and, as such, is considered a major trial for the Stayers' Hurdle.

The Cleeve Hurdle was inaugurated, as the Bishops Cleeve Hurdle, in 1983, taking its name from the village of Bishop's Cleeve, which stands at the foot of Cleeve Hill – the highest point in the Cotswolds – north of Cheltenham. Initially contested over 2 miles and 4 furlongs, the race was lengthened in 1989, again in 1994 – when the title was shortened – and again, to its current distance, in 2005. The Cleeve Hurdle was promoted straight from Listed to Grade 1 status in 1991, but demoted to Grade 2 status in 2005. At that stage, the race as good as took the place of the Premier Hurdle, which was previously run over a similar distance at Haydock Park on Peter Marsh Chase Day.

Prior to 2005, Venetia Williams completed a notable hat-trick with Lady Rebecca (1999, 2000, 2001) but, since the race was downgraded, Emma Lavelle and Paul Nicholls also saddled three winners apiece. Nicholls saddled Big Buck's (2009, 2012) and Saphir Du Rheu (2015), while Lavelle was successful with Paisley Park (2019, 2020, 2022).

Paisley Park, who won the Stayers' Hurdle as a seven-year-old, may be a 33/1 chance for the stayers' championship this time around, but has been far from disgraced in the last two renewals. He could yet prove a force to be reckoned with in the Cleeve Hurdle by the time Saturday, January 28, 2023 rolls around, although his trainer has said, 'He owes us nothing and we’ll let him tell us what he wants to do.'

Close Brothers Mares' Hurdle

The Close Brothers Mares' Hurdle is a Grade 1 hurdle race run over 2 miles, 3 furlongs and 200 yards on the Old Course at Cheltenham in March. As the name suggests, the race is restricted to mares, aged four years and upwards, and is currently scheduled as the fifth race on the opening day of the Cheltenham Festival.

The Close Brothers Mares' Hurdle is a relatively recent addition to the Festival programme, having been inaugurated in 2008, although it was switched from the New Course to the Old Course, and from the last day to the first, the following year. Initially a Grade 2 contest, the race was promoted to Grade 1 status in 2015.

The Close Brothers Mares' Hurdle is officially registered as the David Nicholson Mares' Hurdle, in memory of the late David 'The Duke' Nicholson, who died of a heart attack in 2006. Nicholson was a successful National Hunt jockey and an even better trainer; he saddled 17 winners at the Cheltenham Festival, including the 1988 Cheltenham Gold Cup winner, Charter Party, and won the National Hunt Trainers' Championship twice, in 1993/94 and 1994/95.

Willie Mullins is the most successful trainer in the history of the Close Brothers Mares' Hurdle, thansk in no small part to the prolific Quevaga, who won six consecutive renewals between 2009 and 2014. Mullins added Glens Melody (2015), Vroum Vroum Mag (2016) and Benie Des Dieux (2018) for a total of nine wins altogether. Looking forward to the 2023 renewal, due off at 4.10pm on Tuesday, March 14, former champion hurdler Epatante, trained by Nicky Henderson, currently heads the ante-post betting, but is closely attended by the promising Brandy Love, trained by Willie Mullins.